I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize