I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
