girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
