the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
