3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
