all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
