Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Everclear isn't food dammit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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