I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
