you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
