My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
