I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
