I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
