then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
