Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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