i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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