I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
