i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
