WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
