I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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