They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
