it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Terrible idea I love it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
