Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
