She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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