Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
