I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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