we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
