I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
