I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
