I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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