You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
