I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
