I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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