I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
