What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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