Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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