my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
