Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
