Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
