Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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