i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
