That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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