We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
