I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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