We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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