So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
