I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
