so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
