I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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