Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
