I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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