It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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