She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
