So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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