omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
