i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
