??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i came on her dog
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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