As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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