we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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