DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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