So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
