dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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