I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
