I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
