Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize