I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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