And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
