So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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