Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
