So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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