She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
